Vacation Bible School Podcast
By Jason Kirk, Emily Kirk
Story by story, we're having fun learning history, religion, literature, mythology, and the amazingly weird stuff. All are welcome! Perfect five-star rating on Apple Podcasts!
Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org, if you like! (Sure, it's long! Copy and paste like Matthew did the Gospel of Mark!)
Vacation Bible School PodcastApr 10, 2023
DAVID & JONATHAN: Biased toward love (with Mason Mennenga)
We're back in the Book of Samuel, starting in chapter 18, where giant-killer David meets Israel's other war hero, Prince Jonathan. To quote Taylor Swift, sparks fly. Platonic sparks, your Sunday school teacher assures you.There's a case these two were just extremely affectionate political allies. That case has been made, and we're not very interested in it. Interpret this story however you want. We're completely convinced this was the Bible's first great romance. Thanks. We're also joined by popular YouTuber, podcaster, and theologian Mason Mennenga to discuss how this story is just one of many examples that show scripture reflects how we view it. Support this show, if you like, by joining our Patreon, where we post monthly episodes on related stuff (CCM cringe/nostalgia, explaining Christian-ese language, ranking '70s Rapture movies, what the Bible *actually* says about abortion, etc.). Joining will also get you into our Discord. We're also on Instagram and Twitter!
Pre-intro: "The More I Seek You" as performed by Maple City Worship
DAVID VS GOLIATH: Are we the baddies? (with Andrew Whitehead)
Samuel chapter 17!We've reached a Bible story everybody PRETTY MUCH knows, though there are still lots of fun details. It wasn't a slingshot, for one thing! Goliath is the Statue of Liberty of Michael Jordans, David is Mr. Have It Both Ways, and King Saul's descent into madness ramps up right now! Emily is mostly concerned with whether this Philistine-Israelite war is cruelty-free toward animals. We're excited to be joined by Andrew Whitehead, author of numerous works explaining the dangers of Christian Nationalism. Yep, this relates to how the David and Goliath story gets taught in church! Is there praise for Five Iron Frenzy? Friend, this is an episode of the Vacation Bible School Podcast. Of course there's praise for Five Iron Frenzy.
As always, thank you for listening! You can support us on Patreon for bonus episodes and stuff, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
KING SAUL: Himbo Boss Baby vs. Dungeon Master Dick Cheney
Samuel 7-16!The Bible contains a LOT of genres. Uh-oh, you're now in the middle of a Machiavellian historical novel about Derek Zoolander! Time for our regular installment of Which Part Of This Story Will White Christian Americans Try To Contort Into Propaganda For White Christian America? Does this episode include weird math, exaggerated war stuff, confusing prophet behavior, confusing food rules, weird animal stuff, baffling arguments, the total eradication of tribes clearly not eradicated, and women hanging out by a well? It's a Bible episode, so duh! Know how you've been told you have to believe the Bible is perfect, inerrant, and handed down directly from God? Well, we recently dug some of this section's missing portions out of the ground, and half the translations disagree on how old its protagonist is, so maybe not! Samuel is the ... ... ... ... ... ... good guy in this story? Really? Meet David, simultaneously a humble Cinderella boy and a breathtaking Mary Sue warrior-poet!
As always, thank you for listening! You can support this show on Patreon for bonus episodes and stuff, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
SAMUEL: "The Messiah" and the golden hemorrhoid rats
We're entering a whole new chunk of the Bible, and it might be a surprise chunk!Why we're now in Samuel instead of Ruth, the book that's up next according to Christian Bibles! Yet another barren womb! As always, when the Bible reuses a story, the variations are everything! The Bible's first usage of "the messiah" is a fine time to talk about how poorly the average Christian understands the old, complex, ever-evolving concept! Meet the original Typical Preacher's Kids! A war catastrophe leads to the Philistines capturing the Ark of the Covenant, which goes very terribly for the Philistines' genitals!
If you like this show, please give us a review on your podcast app, follow us on Twitter and/or Instagram, and consider giving us $1/month via Patreon (or $5.77 for bonus episodes, Discord membership, a sticker, and stuff).
JUDGES: Righteous invasion of Ehud (with Jon Bois)
It's time to bring on the internet's beloved Jon Bois to discuss:The Bible's best story book so far, if you have the non-exploding stomach for it: Judges. Meet Ehud, the left-handed sphincter-bursting assassin! Homeschool middle school during the end of the world! Christian culture stuff like Carman, MxPx, Five Iron Frenzy, James Dobson, Amy Grant, Creed, DC Talk, and comic Bibles! Plus Samson, Delilah, Gideon, Deborah, and more Judges stories that get mangled in Sunday school! Intro song: "Don't Save Me" by Haim.
Ratings and reviews on Apple Podcasts are highly appreciated, and you can follow us on Twitter and Instagram. We also have a Patreon with bonus episodes, a Discord, and stuff, plus a $1 support option.
JOSHUA: Jericho was an inside job
WAR DADS AND LADY WAR DADS ASSEMBLE. It's a new Bible section!Joshua is the dude version of LIVE LAUGH LOVE, but also somehow the most feminist book yet. Rahab, the Bible character whose job is most ignored by church, and also a military mastermind. THE WALLS OF JERICHO: pretty cool, but mostly for reasons besides those made up by Sunday school, Carman, and Joel Osteen. How can believers explain this awful book of murder being in the Bible? There's actually a pretty simple way! What we're talking about when we talk about "history in the Bible." And setting up the map for three more books of general Game of Thrones behavior!
As always, support for this program is greatly appreciated on Patreon, you can follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and please consider leaving a review on the podcast app of your choice!
DEUUUTERONOMY: Actually super important and mostly really good??
NUMBERS: Maybe the Bible's worst book!
The fourth book of the Bible! As always, remember the Bible has been written, edited, and interpreted by LOTS of people, and we're under no obligation to treat its angriest voices as definitive of the entire thing.The actual story resumes! Things are finally happening! Numbers gives us phrases like "wandering in the wilderness," "land of milk and honey," and "eww girls have cooties!" There's a reason Sunday school teachers steer WAY clear of all Numbers content besides Talking Donkey and Brave Caleb. Meanwhile, other Christians have used Numbers to justify all sorts of horrendous things! Aaron asks God the most pertinent question Aaron could ever ask God! Mommy God and Daddy Moses are fighting again, the Israelites are constantly griping about needing luxuries like food and water, and this is the worst road trip ever! This is a Miriam stan podcast!
And your support is very appreciated on Twitter, Instagram, and Patreon!
Q&A: Heresy reviews, salvation fear, and animal souls
Hi pals! Taking a break from the main Bible storyline to hit some listener questions, such as:What's the Protestant holiday calendar like? Which Bible verse most contradicts its own book? There's a Toad the Wet Sprocket song about the apostles being sick of Paul lol. What are the Bible's best name meanings? Every Catholic heresy, given a thumbs up or thumbs down! Do animals have souls? Do Christians, um, like, kinda, you know, wish for death, um, so they can go to Heaven, welp? What's the Bible's scariest verse? A light round of Calvinism vs. Arminianism! Is it fun or bad when Pop Culture makes versions of Bible stories? Well, Jason's making a book, how's that going?
As always, support is appreciated by following @VBSPodcast on Twitter and Instagram, leaving us a rating/review on your podcast app, and sliding us a $ amount on Patreon!
LEVITICUS: Fight fundie with fundie
TABERNACLE: I feel God in this Minecraft tailgate (with Rev. Chris Lee)
GOLDEN CALF: God's marshmallow test (with Jane Coaston)
TEN COMMANDMENTS: Wife Guy Moses and God's TOS page
SINAI: What's the Bible about? (with Richard Elliott Friedman)
Q&A: Our stories, Christian punk rock, and Baptist spaceships
Support for this program occurs at patreon.com/vbspodcast, where we have stickers, mugs, a Discord, hats (for now), early episode access, and so forth!
- Taking a break from the main storyline, where we're making hilariously little progress (but having fun anyway), to talk whatever y'all wanted.
- Oh family, it's testimony time!
- Christian punk rock bands, ranked!
- Why were Cain's veggies bad, if most of the dietary laws were about regulating dangerous meat?
- Sunday school teachers, youth pastors, and finding God in s e c u l a r culture
- What's the Bible say about refugees?
- The terrible Baptist hymn about spaceships is ... on the right track!
- Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and newsletter town
- And if you like, give this podcast a lil ole rating and review on your listening app!
THE RED SEA: First of all, it wasn't the Red Sea
PASSOVER: From Destroyer to Matzo Hunt (with Charlotte Wilder, Bobby Big Wheel, & Alex Kirshner)
MOSES: Secret battles of the Mega Man gods
JOSEPH: Coat is a lie! Genesis recap! Children like Veggie Tales!
ABRAHAM: Daddy issues (with Rodger Sherman and Shaker Samman)
NOAH: Ecoterrorist Russell Crowe (with Ryan Nanni and Michael Felder)
CREATION: Dirtbag Adam vs. Rookie God
Please bear with God, it's His first day on the job!
Wait, how many Gods are here?
Someone please put Eve in charge
Please stop pooping on Cain's rutabagas
Snake might not be Satan btw
Extended Universe lore from John Milton
Tips appreciated at supportvbs.com! (Plus maybe merch and/or donor bonuses at that link by the time you see this)
Follow at @VBSpodcast on Twitter and Instagram
Bonus newsletter on Cain at jasonkirk.substack.com!