Mornings with Weed and Cliff
By Weed and Cliff
Mornings with Weed and CliffMar 27, 2023
Ice and Video Games
Not necessarily related.
Leave a Light on in the Chicken
Official proof that he said it.
Another collection of things
Some of these may also be interesting.
A collection of things
Some of them may be interesting...
Riding a Unicorn
Not your average NBA halftime show
The Topic - Max Armstrong
Weed and Cliff discuss the magnificent qualities of - Max Armstrong.
Pop Up Toilets
And - it's telescopic!
Weed's Public Service for Today.
Yeah - they're addictive but Weed's volunteering to help.
Murder Ball
Join us in this episode as Weed relives the horror of his middle school PE Class.
The Smoke Me State
Musings from Mornings with Weed and Cliff
The question that needs a followup
We're dying to know.
All the fun that is the fun...
Of the Official Weed and Cliff Podcast.
The final Weed and Cliff Podcast for 2021
In all its glory!
The official Weed and Cliff Podcaste
You don't want to see Weed in a boxing ring.
The Official Weed and Cliff Podcast
It's for 12/20/21
There's a lot of fun in this podcast
Including a real nice haircut.
A podcast chocked-full of fun.
Chocked full.
A collection of nonsense
Here's all the fun for today:
Too far....
And here's some mental images that we'll all enjoy...
The Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
You wonder where this stuff comes from? So do we...
The Podcast for 11/22
All the fun that is the fun of the Official Weed and Cliff Podcast.
I'm listening because I'm hoping it will all go horribly wrong
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. 15 meat puns in 22 seconds.
2. They bite their fingernails in Seattle. except for the plumbers.
1. A quick game of hostage situation.
Poop your pants and keep going
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A foul-mouthed pupped.
2. The first-ever Morning Road Show Department of Just in Time for Breakfast award - the Brown Star.
1. A free cremation.
Boooooo
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Booo.
2. Booo.
1. Boooooo.
A homemade submarine
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Generally derogatory terms are ok.
2. You can’t really find defecation at a value like this anywhere else.
1. Generally derogatory terms are ok.
Drive through and grab some tainted candy.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Leprosy chimps.
2. Usually I'm peeeling clothes off by this time of the morning.
1. We know that Cliff can't handle his boo's
Losing a credit card in your speedo.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Florida State Troopers don't have balls.
2. Run your Reese's Cups through his kilt.
1. More wet on the inside means less wet on the outside - which leaves you moist.
Brought to you by the letter D - for Dumb.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You guys suck.
2. You Twit Face.
1. Save your BOO.
Made me queasy right off the bat.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Getting a gravy shower is a rite of passage.
2. Brown recovery wipes.
1. Stop sending me pictures of your pants.
Flush with embarrassment.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Does this have anything to do with cornhole?
2. Would you go without toilet paper for an entire week?
1. I thought I had lost the ability to suck.
We taste like filet mignon
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Honk all you want
2. You are getting very very gassy
1. I didn't know spiders had ears.
You've got Ghent
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. How Fort Blunder came to be.
2. Either your hands have gotten bigger or your arms have gotten smaller.
1. Don't cross your legs while driving.
We started off with a learning experience
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Poison Pasta.
2. Take the over/under on bread
1. At least he started out with clothes.
Bring the proper tools to get the job done
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. An environmentally friendly hand grenade.
2. We're very good at blowing things up.
1. You did that already - and it bombed miserably.
Love Fest Season
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Spell much?
2. The single hair on the toe.
1. Really - isn't #2 bad enough?
He looks like a dirty bar towel.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Bonus yardage for being beat up on the golf course.
2. You can't hardly grab that caulk and get it out.
1. Sorry, but I don't have time to use my thumbs.
Do you know a lot about pantyhose?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. It got me to thinking while I was stuffing it back there.
2. Angry balls.
1. Whistling with your butt.
Let's do better than Phil McCracken
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Sweatpants that smell like smoked meat.
2. It's illegal to shoot someone - even if they tell you to.
1. The show that the tri-state's forgot.
Memories to haunt you
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The MENSA questions I can answer
2. Not one nut.
1. Let Weed and Cliff sync up your heart.
What do you get at a cut-rate haunted house?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Wolfman sniffing your buttocks (that's actually what you get).
2. Wouldn't we all like a little French now and then?
1. I don't think you can handle the woodfrog.
I bet your face is really disgusted with you.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Opening up a potato chip bag is not an athletic endeavor.
2. Turds don't roll uphill.
1. Do you know how many cows would have to die to make that man a pair of chaps?
Who's the Big Liar now?
This special edition of the Official Morning Road Show Podcast may set a record for bus tire tracks on Cliff's back.
How to relax and watch your lawn grow.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
Weed launches a self-help empire!
He just kept saying Weed over and over.
It's a Two-fer Tuesday!
Two podcasts in one day!
A therapy rooster
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Nut cousins.
2. No elephant work at night.
1. A code brown.
Big and soft in all the right places.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Do as I say not as I do.
2. It looked like a taco.
1. Teaching your cow to talk.
I can't remember what goes here
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
Stuff - you should listen.
A tribute to a listener and friend
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
The best CD we ever made.
A Podcast Smashup
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The Black Fly.
2. The Janitor's Key.
1. A motorcycle in the hallway.
Manning the hose.
Included on this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
A tale of two callers.
This always happens when these guys come around
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
It's a special edition about butt bugs.
A tingly sensation
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Benedict Cumberbatch on a frigate.
2. He avoided dehydration by – drinking his own urine.
1. What guy is going to watch that? (A robot pole dancer, that is.)
You can't arrest me for anything
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Armadillo by Morning.
2. My neighbors don't like seeing me in a wet t-shirt.
1. Sometimes you yank on that thing for a long time and nothing happens.
What's the worst thing that could happen?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. They like working with the teeth of loved ones.
2. “I’m paying for this, with my poop.”
1. They can't find a pickle big enough.
The taste of bitter defeat at Wrigley Field
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The burned at the stake rules.
2. Checking their oil.
1. The most tense 'Leggo my Eggo' standoff ever.
An ashamed sort of way.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Wrapped from chin to toe in Saran Wrap.
2. A full blown poop.
1. Mister Pee.
(You never want to be #1, or have #2, while you're #3)
Keep my button pushed down
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. When it comes swallowing the meat that guy's clutch.
2. That's apparently is a misdemeanor in the state of Texas.
1. The act of eating for pleasure.
Are you prepared to pay the price for failure?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I will go full Joe Namath.
2. Do you think you can talk to the devil?
1. Removing your transmitter.
Why haven't I been arrested?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A salsa museum.
2. A coupon for a free liver.
1. I was hoping you'd play along with me.
Definitely a roller coaster
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You rarely, if ever - touch money.
2. Have you ever seen Bigfoot shaving himself?
1. A small medium at large.
What you find at Weed's house
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You basically had to set yourself on fire.
2. Take a look in this hole.
1. A little endangered.
You can't overrule the brain.
Here's the Official Weed and Cliff Podcast for 6/24:
Penetrating my brain.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Reproducing on your face.
2. Public Enema number one.
1. You don't have to use Cliff.
Bringing a CPAP to a slumber party.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Something doesn't feel right down there.
2. How much cow poop will bring on the black market.
1. You forgot to put on a second sock.
Yo mamma is not in that headline.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Gravy on a deep-fried Twinkie.
2. Closer inspection revealed the odor of human feces.
1. Nothing wrong with the Wagner family.
Thursday's episode
In case you missed it.
If you're a skunk, stay away.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Licked awake by the Amazon delivery guy.
2. A tarry mark on the pavement.
1. Free salad and bread sticks with every degree.
All these skid marks.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Are you texting things Cliff says in the morning?
2. No word on whether or not he pooped there as well.
1. Do we know where this tooth came from?
The hot dog industry is all excited.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Perhaps visibly so.
2. Production halted after explosive diarrhea on set of Ultimate Slip N Slide.
1. Your mom decided it's time to give up the pole.
“Y’all chill. I’m just intoxicated.”
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Cake on a Shteeeek.
2. You're probably eating a horse.
1. I meant to leave yesterday - can I have a mulligan?
Sit happens
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Is it possible to have a loose eyeball?
2. Loaning out underwear.
1. That party was more fun than this one.
A catch and release event.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Dumb it down to Ralph Level.
2. Professional toilet flushers.
1. The monkey who was hung.
If the boy’s are gonna fight you better let ‘em
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. For 200-thousand you can kick Cliff in the shin.
2. Eat around it.
1. It's easier to run when being chased by death.
I got winded brushing my teeth.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. He asked the judge if it was OK to lie.
2. The doctor prescribed me a #2.
1. A different kind of throne.
Rare, but well done.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Mow your grass in a Nic Thong. (Available wherever men's underwear are sold).
2. The bathrooms were locked and dude had no where to go.
1. Go commando so the ticks have a place to hide.
Throwing the preacher under the bus
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Girl Germ Territory.
2. The cicadas are actually peeing on you.
1. Place a chocolate chip under my tongue.
A cheese chat room
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Everything you look at is short.
2. You better go before you go.
1. We're friendly - just not 'babe' friendly.
A little dry spot in my mind.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Serial spitter.
2. They pay you to poop.
1. An official outhouse.
I'm out of town so I wasn't sure what the contest was.
On this official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I wanted to touch it so bad I couldn't stand it.
2. He removed all his clothing so – he could take a poop.
1. all his clothing so – he could take a poop.
Spit in it and then put it in your pocket.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I had 2 balls - each weighed 16 pounds.
2. Our part-time listener - Ralph the Truck Driver
1. Hoooocking....
Yep, I'm crazy.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Begging for a stampede of wildebeests.
2. Collects his own pee in a bucket.
1. Pray that Billy Ray Cyris won't tour.
Pandemonium with myself
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I got up and got my 3rd drink.
2. The back part of their body has rotted away.
1. Holes of unknown origins.
Adding accelerant along the way.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
1. 10 to 15 minutes of laughter a day makes you lose weight. That means you're all getting fatter.
2. They could handle a goose.
1. His grumpy pants were flying from a flagpole.
Let's stop all the excitement.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. She was upset over the thickness of her tomato.
2. You don't want a rhinoceros in your bed.
1. Charged with a hate crime against my own arteries.
A poo fountain
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The headphones fell off my head and into the toilet.
2. It was like a feces storm.
1. The Dolly Parton.
It's like winning the world series without touching a bat.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. 35 girlfriends at the same time.
2. A toxic laxative.
1. Indiana wants me.
I'm going to do to my darndest - to not die
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I still don't know what rock and roll is.
2. Razor toilet paper.
1. We estimate our loss at one dollar.
Dodging the flying splatter.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. No one wants to hear my opinion.
2. Like a poop torpedo.
1. I would never dream of having wood in space.
That's a Flagrant Foul.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. An ant throwdown.
2. Get Walter some used underwear.
1. The town crier - basically yelled the news.
Don't get a hair cut from a hungover man.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Short people tan faster.
2. The bugs will pee themselves to death.
1. I'll be the short guy - looking for a long one.
A surplus of rope
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Right down into the gullet.
2. An armless competitor in a dung-throwing contest.
1. If you lose a finger, take it with you. You might need it later on.
Udder Chaos.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I have to have my palate tickled.
2. A good butt filter.
1. You can't put much effort into Weed.
There's always that one person who's a fun-sucker.
Some days, there's two
Hallucinogenic Mushroom Mayo
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
It's all about the ham slices.
When you hear the tooth drop.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Allergic to money.
2 Open butthole.
1. Required to wear a mask during the alien probing.
I got confused on the radio
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Kiss a girl with a wart.
2. #2 always gets you in the most trouble.
1. Kiss a girl with a wart.
Clean as a whistle
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I'm pretty good at tying things down.
2. Donut Boy.
1. I have the colon of a 25 year old.
Way to go brain.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. It’s not just for the halibut.
2. The bride was preparing to marry her brother.
1. You don't need to beat me to let me know you're serious.
The only reason I don't touch stuff is it might hurt me
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I'm amazed at the amount of people who own a machete.
2. The director of proctology.
1. Never touch that again.
Standing in line to make their babies cry.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I can't get my can to work after about 2 months of sitting.
2. My buttocks tell me.
1. If you don't know - it's best to not.
Sniffing the armpit of a happy person.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. You can spit the mouthwash back into the bottle.
2. Calling the cops for dog poop.
1. The rise and fall of Bossa Nova.
The longest running April Fool's joke in history.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. She was actually trying to run down someone else..
2. If you're not cursing while driving - you're not paying enough attention to the road..
1. I've never heard of you.
Beam Me up Scotty, there’s no intelligent life down here
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Safe from the pharoah's curse.
2. I should be working in a bar.
1. I'm mad, I'm going to burn something.
At full speed it looks like you're in slow motion.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Right next door to the DJ Academy.
2. You're coming in a loader.
1. You don't want monkeys tag-teaming on your drawers.
Wearing my underwear inside out
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A spring-loaded toilet paper dispenser.
2. Constipation on the other side of the world.
1. 500 rounds of ammunition and a partridge in a pear tree.
Tell us how to do good radio
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. The way to a woman's heart is through anonymous, processed meat.
2. Tom is dead.
1. Stands there and whacks it for hours
I tend to work too hard.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Running down the hallway with a piece of paper on fire.
2. Policing is sometimes a dirty job, but someone’s got to ‘doo-doo’ it.
1. Gold medal sneezing.
Questionable medical devices.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Do you know you have a boxing glove attached to your hand?
2. Don't do other dog things on the turf.
1. A prostate gland warmer.
Attacked by an alien force
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. It's a dog problem - not a COVID problem.
2. Dressing up like a girl scout - in jail.
1. There's a thong sale at Penney's.
Pass the smell test.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Betsy Ross was not one of the Supremes.
2. Identify my friends by the sound of their farts.
1. we're keeping your nose as evidence.
A fake-looking Harley.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. 1,000 pennies.
2. We know who #2 is.
1. Woolly mammoths still exist today. And he lives in Otwell.
A life hack to get E. Coli.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Alcohol Gatorade.
2. It took two days to lose the smell from his nose.
1. You guys haven't gotten a lick better.
What are you gonna to do, arrest me?
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Surgery Shenanigans.
2. You can't beat the meat.
1. Do not nap with a full bladder.
Bambi with excess gas problems.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. He and granddad had been smoking marijuana together.
2. A laxative effect - how's that in a candy?
1. Never again ask Cliff how his body is
Chocolate pudding and beer combined
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. There's a lot of sausage action in Germany.
2. A thing for cafeteria hairnets.
1. Wurst case scenario.
More fun than disappointment.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. A pretty good feeling in your throat.
2. Bring back the poo.
1. A pretty good feeling in your throat.
Right Guard for the win.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I'm pretty sure you've got expired canned goods.
2. How much that poop weighed.
1. A candy bar fog.
We've sunk to talking about goat love.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I just want it in me.
2. At least you can't find a body inside.
1. This is about as big a mouth opening as I'm going to get.
I couldn't get my head around the zipper.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I have vacuumed while the show was in progress.
2. Mail your poop to the lab.
1. Helping out with his pigs - on both ends.
Building a house on Disappointment Boulevard.
The Weed and Cliff Podcast for Thursday, March 4th.
We can't say words we have to beep
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. There's a lot of action on the carpet.
2. I can steer the car with my bellybutton.
1. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
Everyone got arrested
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I have it in my hands right now.
2. You can't hit the hold with your foot.
1. I don't remember much of what happened. That's a good thing considering what they did to you.
Making a wiener cannon.
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. I want the table to be decorated with food.
2. People are pooping in it.
1. I for one welcome our drunk robot overlords.
If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough
On this Official Weed and Cliff Podcast:
3. Forgot about Oreos.
2. An outhouse on surfboards.
1. Could you get it in the butt?